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Hope for When You Can’t Control Your Tongue

November 12, 2015 by betsydecruz 41 Comments

Hope for when you can't control your tongue

There’s a Salt Water Woman lurking inside of me, and she comes out at the darnedest times. Like last Saturday afternoon when we were driving around White Rock Lake looking for T.P. Hill. For an hour. Friends invited us to a picnic, but my husband, heaven help him, left the directions at home. The GPS went haywire, and we didn’t have the host’s phone number.

Salt Water Woman whined:  “It would have been great to get a phone number.” She used sarcasm: “Hopefully we’ll make it there by nightfall.”

I immediately regretted my words. You see, I don’t want to be a Salt Water Woman. I want to be a Fresh Water Woman.

Hope for fresh water scripture

Have you ever taken a big drink of salty water when you’re dying of thirst? It tastes terrible and makes you sick. In contrast, fresh water tastes great, quenches thirst and brings life.

The Salt Water Woman spews out complaints and criticism.

Just like the drippy faucet wife of Proverbs, she tears her husband down bit by bit and snaps at the kids. She spouts off irritation when she’s tired or frustrated, and she keeps running on empty when the water level in her well is dangerously low.

The Fresh Water Woman speaks blessing and encouragement.

Her words offer life, love, and hope. She’s generous in speaking words that build others up. She gives the benefit of the doubt to her poor husband when he does things like leave the directions at home. Fresh Water Woman also knows when to keep her mouth shut, and when to take a break because her well is running dry.

I want to be a Fresh Water Woman, but salty words keep coming out.

The good news for Salt Water women is that Jesus offers us grace and forgiveness. And an invitation. An invitation to come and drink, so that our wells will be filled.

Hope for spring of water welling up

Jesus promises to give generously of His Spirit to all who come to Him. As He fills us, we’re empowered to speak generous words out of hearts full of good treasure. We’re equipped to speak love and encouragement.

How do we keep our salty words in check?

  1. We repent when we fail, and we step back into the Holy Spirit’s flow for cleansing and renewing
  2. Fresh Water Women spend time with Jesus.
  3. We take breaks to avoid depleting our wells.
  4. We return to the Source of Fresh Living Water again and again to receive grace.

Grace, encouragement, and an invitation from Jesus for those who need help controlling their words.

The more we respond to Jesus’ invitation, the more He fills and empowers us to be generous-spirited women who speak Fresh Water words to those around us. Let’s draw near to Him. May our words bring life today!

Now it’s your turn: Do you have salt water tendencies? Know anyone who could use some Fresh Water words today?

Joining in with Suzanne Eller’s #livefreeThursday. Suzie’s prompt was “a generous spirit.” Also linking with Thought Provoking Thursday, Grace and Truth, and Dance with Jesus.  Check out these communities for more encouragement.

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Filed Under: Real Life, Spiritual Growth Tagged With: Come to the Water and Drink, John 4:14, Speak Life, Spiritual Growth, Taming the Tongue, Using our Words to Encourage

Comments

  1. Michele Morin says

    November 12, 2015 at 12:25 pm

    This is such a creative presentation of the age-old problem. I identified so much with you on your drive and your efforts to JUST NOT SAY IT! One thing I have learned in this battle with the tongue is that when I’m VERY tired, I try to be aware of it and to say to myself, “No opinions this evening. Don’t weigh in on anything. You won’t be happy with your words.” If I can get ahead of myself and let God the Holy Spirit have half a chance, He does come through.

    Reply
    • betsydecruz says

      November 12, 2015 at 1:47 pm

      I’m sure you’ve been on drives like that too, Michele! Thanks for sharing that self talk: “No opinions this evening.” Great advice. If we give the Holy Spirit half a chance, He comes through!

      Reply
  2. joanneviola says

    November 12, 2015 at 12:54 pm

    Earlier this morning I listened to Toby Mac’s, Speak Life 🙂 So funny to read a post on this very topic – the words we speak. May I be alert today.

    Reply
    • betsydecruz says

      November 12, 2015 at 1:43 pm

      I love that song, Joanne. Such a great message, and that title sticks with us. I want to be alert today too!

      Reply
  3. Linda Stoll says

    November 12, 2015 at 1:26 pm

    Yes, yes, Betsy. Sarcasm and a critical spirit so easily lurk within. Out of the heart the mouth speaks.

    We’re in constant need of a spiritual heart transplant. Lord, help us!

    Reply
    • betsydecruz says

      November 12, 2015 at 1:46 pm

      Yes, Linda: out of the heart the mouth speaks. We have a heart problem, don’t we? But we have a great physician for that transplant!

      Reply
  4. Sabra Penley says

    November 12, 2015 at 1:31 pm

    Wow. Recognizing myself here today! Thanks for speaking these words of encouragement and instruction. I need to constantly be reminded that I need refreshing by the water of the Word to be able to pour out refreshing on others. Hugs to you, Betsy!

    Reply
    • betsydecruz says

      November 12, 2015 at 1:45 pm

      I need that refreshing too, and that cleansing water to wash away grouchy attitudes! Hugs to you too, Sabra!

      Reply
  5. Lisa notes... says

    November 12, 2015 at 1:36 pm

    Sigh. I suppose we all have salt water tendencies inside of us. But yes, I wish I could speak fresh water words all the time instead. Your 4 ways to keep our negativity in check are good. Doing #1 right now…. Thanks, Betsy.

    Reply
    • betsydecruz says

      November 12, 2015 at 1:44 pm

      I’m doing #1 along with you. Have sensed a grouchy attitude inside me, and I’m taking it to Jesus! Blessings, Lisa!

      Reply
  6. Lyli @ 3dlessons4life.com says

    November 12, 2015 at 4:23 pm

    This is soooo convicting!

    Reply
  7. Jeannie says

    November 12, 2015 at 6:14 pm

    Can I ever relate to what you’ve said here, Betsy. Not just salt water — in the past 2 days, in moments of frustration, I may actually have been breathing fire a few times. Whew. So thanks for your 4 pieces of counsel, especially the first one: I need forgiveness and grace so often.

    Reply
    • betsydecruz says

      November 12, 2015 at 6:35 pm

      Oh Jeannie, believe me, I get the breathing fire part. Why did I write this post? Because I’ve been struggling with it too friend! Yes, let’s get that forgiveness and grace.

      Reply
  8. Abby says

    November 12, 2015 at 8:15 pm

    Oh Betsy, my family is often the unfortunate recipient of my Salt Water Woman words. I can honestly say I’ve gotten better and taming my tongue, but she still comes out from time to time, especially when I’m tired and stressed. Thanks for letting me know we’re in this together, and there’s grace when we fail. So thankful his mercies are new every morning.

    Reply
    • betsydecruz says

      November 13, 2015 at 3:41 am

      I’m so glad you’re growing i this area. You know, I think I might be too? Just writing this post helped me be more careful! I’m thankful for those new mercies too. And that fountain of living water.

      Reply
  9. Bev Duncan @ Walking Well With God says

    November 12, 2015 at 10:24 pm

    Betsy,
    How appropriate to call that self “salt water woman”. She shows up in my house too. Probably because I don’t hold my tongue and actually think before something comes spilling out. Thank you for the reminders to go where my well can be replenished with fresh water so that it, not salt water, will spill from my lips!!
    Blessings,
    Bev

    Reply
    • betsydecruz says

      November 13, 2015 at 3:42 am

      Oh yes Bev, I understand just letting stuff spill out without thinking. Yes, let’s keep going for more of that fresh water!

      Reply
  10. Sandy says

    November 13, 2015 at 2:36 am

    Oh, yes, that salt water woman lives in this house quite often and I don’t like it. And no one else does either. Oh, my— the tongue is so little but so powerful. I want to make it a good friend and not a bad friend.
    Thanks for the wonderful example.
    Love you, Betsy.

    Reply
    • betsydecruz says

      November 13, 2015 at 3:39 am

      Isn’t that the truth, Sandy! We’re not the only ones who don’t like her; no one else does either! I want to be a good friend,wife, mom too.

      Reply
  11. Adriana says

    November 13, 2015 at 3:02 am

    It made me think of the many times I am that salt water woman when I face the struggles and difficulties of having left my country and family to learn to leave in a new culture. I want to praise God for His wonderful plan to me by bringing John, my husband, into my life. He is the reason why God brought me here. He was the answer to my prayer.

    Reply
    • betsydecruz says

      November 13, 2015 at 3:40 am

      Yes, Adriana, that’s the positive way to look at it when you feel frustrated by living in a different culture. (I know the struggles.) Good to remember that your wonderful husband, a gift from God, is who got you into all of this! Praising God for you and your witness at work.

      Reply
  12. Ifeoma Samuel says

    November 13, 2015 at 10:31 am

    Oh Betsy, I have missed your hilarious and very inspirational posts! Thank God I am on academic break now!
    Your title made me giggle. I couldn’t wait to plunge into who the salty woman was *I am still laughing*

    Gal I have been there and back.

    Thank you for making my time here worth every bit of it.
    God Bless and Have a great weekend Betsy.

    Reply
    • betsydecruz says

      November 13, 2015 at 2:18 pm

      Glad you’re on an academic break, Ifeoma. We’ve all been there and back, but His Grace wins!

      Reply
  13. kristine says

    November 13, 2015 at 12:03 pm

    Betsy, as usual your words spoke right to my spirit! Yes, too many times my salty words have come out, leaving me and everyone around me feeling downcast. I’m so thankful for God’s grace, and how He continues to gently teach me about the power of words. My prayer today is that we can all take a step forward with this lesson today. I want to be a fresh water woman! Thanks, friend:)

    Reply
    • betsydecruz says

      November 13, 2015 at 2:19 pm

      I’m praying to be a fresh water woman too, Kristine! He teaches us gently, as you say. Thanks for reading friend. It means a lot.

      Reply
  14. Liz says

    November 13, 2015 at 12:13 pm

    I’m salty more often than I’d like to admit… Help me, Lord, to be filled with Your living water so that that’s what will flow from my mouth. Great post, Betsy. Thank you!

    Reply
    • betsydecruz says

      November 13, 2015 at 2:20 pm

      Thank you for reading, Liz. May His Living Water fill us and flow out of us!

      Reply
  15. mbethany says

    November 13, 2015 at 12:22 pm

    Reblogged this on Believing Bride.

    Reply
  16. mbethany says

    November 13, 2015 at 12:24 pm

    Salt is my humor….and my frustration….been praying about this. Well-timed, given my tongue yesterday. Thanks Betsy for the conviction but also the encouragement and tips. His grace wins! #DanceWithJesus

    Reply
    • betsydecruz says

      November 13, 2015 at 2:16 pm

      Thanks so much, Bethany. I’m writing to myself here. His grace DOES win!

      Reply
  17. Mary Geisen says

    November 13, 2015 at 9:41 pm

    This is awesome. I love the analogy of the salt water woman and fresh water woman. I can wrap my brain around this all too well. Great words to carry me through the weekend.

    Reply
    • betsydecruz says

      November 15, 2015 at 12:16 am

      Hope you’re having a great weekend, Mary. Thanks for being here. I think the Fresh and Salty is a concept we all know too well!

      Reply
  18. Tai East says

    November 14, 2015 at 3:28 am

    I love this post, Betsy! I pray that I will always be a fresh water woman! Thank you for sharing such an awesome word, beautiful friend! GOD bless you! 🙂

    Reply
    • betsydecruz says

      November 15, 2015 at 12:17 am

      I’m praying for you now, Tai, to be a fresh water woman too! May God use your spoken words as much as he does your written ones!

      Reply
      • Tai East says

        November 15, 2015 at 3:28 am

        Awww! Thank you so much for your prayers, Betsy! I truly appreciate you! 🙂

        Reply
  19. beechaplin says

    November 15, 2015 at 8:26 am

    Thanks for a great post – very challenging! I will be praying along with you to be a more fresh water than salt water…
    My only question is: did you get to the picnic in the end 😉

    Reply
    • betsydecruz says

      November 15, 2015 at 1:33 pm

      Let’s grow together in this area, Bee. I certainly need it! We actually did make it to the picnic. We stopped and asked several people while we drove around the very large city recreation area (40 or 50 square km easy). We finally found one who actually knew where the place was!

      Reply
  20. Janis Cox (@AuthorJanisCox) says

    November 15, 2015 at 10:18 pm

    Betsy,
    What an amazing analogy. I used to spew salt water all the time. Now I am more cautious and usually the Holy Spirit will immediately correct me – and IF I am listening I can apologize. But if I am not listening then I have to feel the effects until I do.
    Thanks for a great post. I would love if you linked this post to Word of God Speak.

    I found you at Tai East’s Faith’n Friends.
    Blessings,
    Janis

    Reply
    • betsydecruz says

      November 16, 2015 at 3:03 am

      Thank you, Janis. I appreciate the encouragement. You are so right! When we’re slower to talk, like James SAYS!!! 🙂 , we have more time to discern Holy Spirit leading!

      Reply
  21. Horace Williams Jr says

    November 19, 2015 at 1:51 am

    Hey Betsy,
    Love this post! I have always considered myself to have a quick wit and a sharp tongue but I learned just how hurtful the tongue can be. Now I am slow to respond or try to be humble enough to not need the last word all the time! Thank you for sharing the advice on how to keep your tongue less “salty”. I need to put in practice all four! Thanks again for sharing your wisdom from the heart. Have a wonderful week and blessings to you and yours!

    Reply
  22. sye says

    December 17, 2015 at 10:21 pm

    Thank you so much for the tips of keeping our salty words in check. God knows I need to use them. Great insights.

    Reply

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Hello! I’m Betsy.

I believe overwhelmed women can learn to take small steps to experience more of God's presence and power in their lives. When we hear God's voice through His Word, He calms our fears and frees us to receive His peace and joy. Read More…

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