I try to put my best foot forward in other relationships, but my husband sees my worst side. I may have a cheery smile for everyone else, but all too often, Jose gets my tired leftovers: the stressed, whiny me or the preoccupied, distracted me.
I must need to have my head examined because I’m married to the most amazing man on the face of the earth. But when I’m not intentional about slowing down to appreciate him, our relationship turns ho-hum.
My marriage gets lost in the busy.
I blast through a typical day juggling family, ministry, home schooling, and writing. Then there’s housework. Oh, and I try to remember to keep food in the fridge and cook. (That’s the most important thing for the troops around here.)
By the time I get to my man, it feels like there’s not enough of me left over. Just the other day, Jose came home at 5:00, and I breezed right past him in the kitchen. Barely saw him in my hurry to grab 30 minutes to work before it was time to make dinner.
I lose the joy of being married.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t want a ho-hum marriage that cruises along with minimum effort. I want to bring more than tired leftovers to the table. I want to invest in my marriage.
I want to be a more joyful wife.
You too?
Let’s Look at Some Ways to Bring More Joy to Our Marriages.
Pray Daily
Pray each day for your husband and your relationship. Ask God to bring freshness and joy to your marriage.
Care for Yourself
It sounds contradictory to care for ourselves in order to invest in our marriages, but adequate rest, physical exercise and good diet probably make us happier, healthier wives. (I’m pretty sure 8 hours of sleep a night can work wonders for any relationship.) Girlfriend time, hobbies, or creative pursuits can renew our spirits. We have more to give our husbands when we feed our own hearts with prayer and God’s Word each day.
If you’re in the baby stage now, self-care is hard, but with a little creativity and intentionality, you can still find ways!
Make Time for Conversation.
Remember the delight of discovering your husband when you were dating? Ask him what his dreams are. Ask how you can pray for him. Taking time to talk injects life into a marriage, whether you grab a half an hour after the kids go to bed, go on a weekly date, or take a walk.
Be Fully Present.
Do you ever notice how you can sit next to your husband physically and be on another planet mentally? Sometimes we get so caught up in our own thoughts that we don’t really listen. What if we chose to be intentional about focusing more on our husbands and less on ourselves once in a while?
Go on a Complaining Fast
Complaints drive my husband crazy and zap the joy out of our relationship faster than anything. Recently I read a devotional about going on a complaining fast. Decide for one day that no matter what happens, no matter what your husband says or does, you won’t complain or criticize him. Then try it for three days, and see how it affects your relationship.
Look For ways to Encourage Him
Ask God to show you how you can encourage your husband more consistently. Thank him for things he does for you and the kids. Smile at him. Say “I love you” often. Give him more kisses and hugs. Tell him what you appreciate about him.
Scripture says that an excellent wife is more valuable than jewels. Will you join me in seeking to bless your husband by being a more joyful wife today? Let’s put our best foot forward in our marriages.
Now it’s your turn: Do you have any suggestions for our community about how to be a more joyful wife?
Linking up with Holly Barrett’s #TestimonyTuesday, Kelly Balarie’s #RaRalinkup, Holley Gerth’s Coffee for your Heart, Arabah Joy’s Grace and Truth, and Susan B. Mead’s #DancewithJesus. Check them out for more encouragement.
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Thanks for the good reminders, Betsy. I needed them.
You’d have wisdom to share with me in this area, I’m sure, Sandy!
I especially like the last piece of advice, Betsy. “Look for ways to encourage him.” My husband is a natural encourager, so he is ALWAYS saying thoughtful, uplifting things to me. I noticed not too long ago that I wasn’t doing the same. In the midst of a busy life, I have to be intentional about giving him the encouragement he deserves. When I do, it brightens his day and mine! Blessings friend:)
Yes, Kristine! A little bit of encouragement brightens everyone’s day, doesn’t it?
Betsy- These are SUCH needed words. We often let our other roles overshadow and crowd the joy out of being a wife. Your list is spot on – I think I need the “caring for self” and the “make time for conversations” the most. Thank you for this encouragement today. I think so many wives- including me – need to make sure we aren’t saving our worst sides for our husbands.
Thanks for your encouragement, Karen. Finding time to care for ourselves is hard, isn’t it? We always come up last on our list. And then our worst side comes out! I want to be more proactive in this area.
A complaining fast! I love how this phrase turns the act into a spiritual discipline!
Thanks, Betsy!
Let’s do it Michele! Let’s fast from complaining!
Great words today to build into your marriage. As a single mom, I can apply your words to friendships that I treasure in my life. All of us can never get enough self care. The days that I choose to make that part of my routine are the days that are better all around. Also, I write about being present a lot. I am learning what it means to be sitting on the couch next to my son and giving Him the gift of presence rather than just sitting side by side. Great words today! Praying your week is blessed.
Thank you, Mary. It’s true that the gift of presence goes a long way in all of our relationships. I also find it to improve my friendships and relationship with my kids. Blessings to you, friend.
Betsy … thank you. Why do our spouses get the dregs, the leftovers? Seems oh so unfair, doesn’t it.
Thank you for this gentle reminder. I will carry it with me as I move through the week. And act on your wise reminders … especially that whole being fully present thing. for when he talks, I want to listen well.
Ha ha, Linda! The dregs! That might even be worse than the leftovers, but it’s what my husband gets often! Lord, help us be better wives, fully present and better listeners!
Isn’t it so true that the people we are closest to see the “real us” — and it’s not always pretty. I think the littlest things can go a long way, even commenting on the most mundane things like “The lawn looks so much better now” — no, wait, that sounds kind of passive-aggressive as if it looked awful before and finally he’s gotten around to cutting the grass … but you know what I mean! For sure, being present and just enjoying being together are key.
It’s true that little things add up over time, Jeannie! That’s funny about the passive-aggressive compliments though! Sometimes it’s hard to know how things will be taken! But yes, enjoying being together is so important.
Oh, you read my mind. You read my mind, Betsy. 😉 Love these. Complaining fast and encouragement are on tap right now. “You’re a wonderful husband” was just texted…. Praise God for His reminders.
Yes, Kristi, we’re all in the same boat aren’t we? That’s why we must have similar thoughts! I should send my honey a nice text too! Thanks for the idea!
Wonderful Betsy! I love these tips and will be putting them into practice : ) Blessings!
Thanks so much, Bethany! Blessings back at you!
Hi Betsy! We are honing in on joy, aren’t we? I think your theme today is shared by just about all of us married folks. I know it resonates with me! My husband is so patient and will do anything for me. But I can be very dismissive of him too. I think prayer is such a powerful weapon to keep me from taking him for granted. That, and holding my tongue until he is done with a thought. I interrupt like crazy. Ugh. I sound wonderful, don’t I?
Thank you for this timely post for me 🙂
Ceil
Ha! You make me laugh with the “I sound wonderful” comment! Believe me, I have my moments too. 🙂 Prayer is key, isn’t it. So easy to take our wonderful men for granted.
Yep, I’ve walked right by Jim many a time, totally ignoring him. For so many years I put him on the back burner. The poor soul stuck with me for some reason and I am so very thankful. And YES – they HATE complaining. A few months ago he called me out on it and I didn’t even realize I had fallen into a pattern! How unflattering. These are great tips, Betsy – always keeping it real over here!
(PS the graphics are looking GREAT!)
Complaining. I think I started doing more of that THE DAY I MARRIED! Think it’s part of Satan’s design to drive our husbands crazy and hopefully split us up? I’ve gotten called on it a time or two myself, Ruthie. I’m learning. Hanging in there and trying to see the bright side. (Thanks for encouragement on the graphics. I’m having the hardest time choosing a color palate!
Your advice is spot on, Betsy! I have to be especially careful about the complaining…we work together, so some days we’re both stressed out and ready to whine…and it never ends well.
Oh I can imagine how hard it is to work together, easy to let your worst side hang out! My husband and I also collaborate on many ministry projects, and he offices at home, so I can sorta relate… 🙂
My tip would be to keep margin in your day so you have time for relationships – especially with your husband.
That’s a great tip, Belinda. Thanks so much.
Betsy,
I love and need all these reminders. I particularly like “Go on a complaining fast”. Why is it that those closest to us get all the junk. I really need to limit my complaining to my husband and am trying to intentionally work on sharing the good things that happen in my day with him. Thanks for a much needed post!
Blessings,
Bev
I’m declaring a complaining fast myself today Bev. Too easy to gripe isn’t it? Blessings to you, sister!
Betsy, thank you so much for your transparency in this post. I am right there with you. My husband sees me at the end of the day most times, when I’m stressed from the kids or I’ve spent all my “happy self” on someone else. He deserves better, and I’m working on it. We both are. I love how in the War Room movie the main topic is praying for your spouse. I am committed to doing this more fervently. Love this! xoxo
I love (and hate!) that Abby: we spend all our “happy self” on someone else. I know what you mean about the end of the day. someone else just mentioned the War Room movie. Gonna have to see that. Grace for our marriages!
Thank you for being honest! Your honesty helps me be honest with myself. I can relate
to everything you said. He more often than not gets my leftovers. I am going to work on this. God bless.
God bless you too, Lisa. Thanks for stopping by.
You know, these suggestions would work for single people too. And instead of encouraging our husband, we can look for ways to encourage our friends, family and co-workers. It’s easy to lose sight of joy when you live alone…thanks for these great suggestions, Betsy!
Mary said the same thing about using the suggestions with friendships. May God renew our joy in our relationships, whether we’re single or married. Grace and JOY to you today, my friend.
Betsy, I like the idea of a complaining fast, too. Vowing to eliminate complaining and criticizing completely sounds so daunting, but trying it for one day? I think I can do that. 🙂 I also appreciate that you included smiling as a way to encourage our husbands. I’ve been trying to remember to smile more around the house lately. I love the people who live here; I should look like I like them, too! Thank you for sharing this gentle guidance.
Yes, you’re right, Lois! We should look like we love the people who live around us! So easy to get caught up in the rat race at ho me isn’t it? (I’m going to try the complaining fast again, one day: tomorrow!)
Such simple yet practical advice! I have two daughters in the toddler stage right now, so by the end of the day I’m completely spent and ready to complain. I hear myself doing it, yet it still comes out in my tired and exhausted state. A complaining fast may be in order here in the near future! Thanks for sharing this!
Alyssa, I remember that toddler stage, and it is exhausting. I still find plenty to complain about, and my kids are older. 🙂 So I think a fast is definitely in order for me too!
Awesome thoughts, and if I’m snappy he wants to know why and really takes time to find out, and listens but then tells me I need to get over myself, so he always helps me move on
Yes, Lizzy! Your husband is right. Lots of times we just need to get over ourselves. (Great that you have a husband who takes time to figure out what’s bothering you.)
Betsy, you are singing to the choir girl. I needed to hear these words. Marriage takes constant effort and care. Love it!
Blessings,
Christy
It does take constant effort, doesn’t it Christy. Thanks for your encouragement.
Hi Betsy, thumbs up.
Excellent words of advice.
You know it is easy and practical the items you have shared.
God Bless
Blessings on you and your marriage, Ifeoma!
Thanks for another great post Betsy! These are some great ideas and I will be putting each one of them into practice. Thanks for always encouraging me!
YOU encourage me, Janelle!
oooh, a complaining fast! Yes, I need to do this!
Me too, Ellen!
Good points, as usual, Betsy. Thank you. 🙂 One that I like to try to do is–ask questions. Men (or at least, my man) can be creatures of few words. Asking questions helps open up and direct conversation so I’m engaging in his world too. Thanks for sharing, Betsy. 🙂
Fantastic points on being joyful, Betsy! Thank you for this graceful word and also for sharing it with us at Grace & Truth! You are so valuable to our community!!
Thanks so much, Holly. The Grace & Truth community really blesses me too!
Oh WOW I can relate! My husband was subject to the iPhone contact deleting incident that was last night’s fun! Much apologizing later we went to bed with no anger but it is HARD y’all! Why do we take it out on those closest to us! Thank you for this encouragement Betsy! 🙂
iPhone contact deleting incident? That sounds pretty stressful! So sorry! Glad you worked it through with your hubs! I do the same kind of things!