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How to Improve Your Marriage: One Surprisingly Simple Tip

October 9, 2018 by betsydecruz 8 Comments

In your marriage, do simple irritations get blown out of proportion? One surprisingly simple tip can improve your marriage this week.

A friend of mine says more couples divorce over the cap left off the toothpaste than for any other reason.  Her statement is personal opinion, but it makes an important point. We tend to blow little irritations out of proportion!

You may have read in the book of Proverbs about the quarrelsome, nagging wife who’s like a constant dripping on a rainy day. The Message translation brings this verse to life: “A nagging spouse is like the drip, drip, drip of a leaky faucet” (Proverbs 27:15, MSG). In fact, Solomon also says the poor Proverbs man would rather live in a desert than with her (21:19).

Unfortunately, I have drippy faucet tendencies. Maybe you do, too. Our husbands bring home the wrong brand of detergent from the grocery store, and we let them know. Drip. We see the toilet seat left up, and we remind him one more time. Drip, drip, drip.

All those little drips tear a man down.

My husband Jose is faithful and responsible. He demonstrates love through serving and speaks calm into my chaos. To give you an idea of the kind of man he is, let me tell you about Bad Breakfast Wednesday. Jose usually makes breakfast, but Wednesdays are my turn. One Wednesday I was running late. I let the oatmeal boil over, dropped a raw egg on the floor, and turned into a ranting, hot mess.

My husband quietly picked up a dish rag to help me. Then after breakfast, he helped with the dishes. Even though Wednesday wasn’t his turn.

Instead of tearing my husband down, I’d rather seek to build him up.

Is my husband perfect? No. He has bad days. He makes mistakes and forgets things. But when I’m busy noticing every little thing he does wrong, I miss the bigger picture of all the good things he does right.

In your marriage, do simple irritations get blown out of proportion? One surprisingly simple tip can improve your marriage this week.

I don’t want to be that quarrelsome, nagging wife who points out every little shortcoming. Instead, I want God to help me recognize areas where I need to grow myself. Instead of tearing my marriage down, I’d rather work to build it up. So, I’m asking God for grace to take one simple step:

Let Go of the Small Stuff

You know the small stuff you need to let go of. All those little quirks and things you wish were different about your husband:

  • He wears an old t-shirt and jeans instead of the new clothes you bought him.
  • He forgets to take out the trash.
  • He doesn’t notice your new haircut.
Wise women choose to let go of small irritations. #marriagetips

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What would happen to our marriages if we decided for one week to zip our lips and not mention the small things that drive us crazy? Instead of blowing small irritations out of proportion, let’s be proactive to do two things to build our marriages up:

Focus on the Positive

Let’s go on a treasure hunt for our husbands’ positive qualities. What were the positive qualities you loved when you married your husband? What do you like about him now? What evidence do you see of his faithfulness and service at work or home? What do you appreciate about him as a father?

Communicate Your Appreciation

How about letting him know what you love and appreciate about him? Thank him for the things he does around the house. Write a note, send a text, cook a special meal, or tell him how much he means to you.

In your marriage, do simple irritations get blown out of proportion? One surprisingly simple tip can improve your marriage this week.

The surprisingly simple tip for a better marriage is “Let Go of the Small Stuff.”

It’s so simple, yet we all know that when your husband breaks your favorite coffee cup or forgets your date night, letting it go is hard. How about trying it for one week? Let’s keep our lips zipped when it comes to faultfinding, and express appreciation for positive things instead. Will you join me?

Now it’s your turn: Do you have any drippy faucet tendencies? What do you appreciate about your husband?

Do small irritations get blown up in your #marriage? One simple tip can help.

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Note: This is re-edited from my archives.

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Filed Under: Marriage & Family, Uncategorized Tagged With: Better Marriage, Improve Your Marriage, Marriage, marriage tips

Comments

  1. Nataliya says

    October 9, 2018 at 5:51 am

    This is very good and encouraging! I needed to hear that. Thank you for sharing, Betsy! Sometimes we come up with excuses, trying to justify our nagging, but really all we need to do is to “zip it” 🙂 I do believe that “zipped lips” can improve many marriages tremendously! Thanks again!

    Reply
    • betsydecruz says

      October 9, 2018 at 6:28 am

      I’m glad if this encourages you, Nataliya. I know I need to zip it, because otherwise I tend to become that drippy faucet woman.

      Reply
  2. Linda Stoll says

    October 11, 2018 at 8:10 am

    Oh so much truth here today, Betsy! Even after 42 years of marriage I’m still a student.

    Much of what we get all worked up over is absolutely meaningless in the light of eternity.

    You’re so right … we need to just let it go …

    Reply
    • betsydecruz says

      October 11, 2018 at 4:09 pm

      I’m definitely still a student, and about 20 years behind you, so I have even more to learn! I didn’t marry until age 31.

      Reply
  3. Cheryl Gerou says

    October 12, 2018 at 6:27 am

    Visiting from Grace and Truth link up. This is such good advice. It seems so much easier to find the frustrating iinstead of the positive. I intend to take the challenge because I have drippy faucet tendencies too! Thank you!

    Reply
    • betsydecruz says

      October 12, 2018 at 8:28 am

      From one drippy faucet woman to another, I understand! Praying grace over your marriage and family now, Cheryl.

      Reply
  4. Barbara Harper says

    October 12, 2018 at 2:16 pm

    I’m visiting from the Faith on Fire link-up. Elisabeth Elliot said once that we tend to like 80 % of what our husband does, and dislike maybe 20 %, but we harp on that 20 % instead of the positive. Thanks for these reminders! Sometimes it’s hard to let go of what we think is a just gripe. But I remind myself that my husband very rarely tells me that something I do bugs him – and I know he must have plenty to gripe about if he wanted to!

    Reply
    • betsydecruz says

      October 12, 2018 at 3:57 pm

      Thanks for your helpful comment, Barbara! I love that 80-20 rule, and it definitely seems accurate here. Yes, it’s true. My husband also rarely speaks up when something I do bothers him. And I’m sure it’s plenty!

      Reply

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Hello! I’m Betsy.

I believe overwhelmed women can learn to take small steps to experience more of God's presence and power in their lives. When we hear God's voice through His Word, He calms our fears and frees us to receive His peace and joy. Read More…

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Betsy de Cruz

betsydecruz

Encouraging women to pursue Jesus and live out His purposes. ⬇️I'd love to give you Free Quiet Time Renewal Guide.

Happy Easter! So grateful to celebrate little Leon Happy Easter! So grateful to celebrate little Leon's first Easter with Elijah, Camilla, and the rest of the family ❤️
I'm so grateful God held little Leon in His hands I'm so grateful God held little Leon in His hands and delivered him safely into this world one week ago today!

Camilla and Elijah are doing such a great job as parents already, and we have a cute little cuddlebug to hold and marvel over! Abuelo José is in awe to be able to hold such a little guy! (PSA, last photo is the best!)

I keep marveling over God's faithful care and keep coming back to this verse: "From birth I have relied on you; you brought me forth from my mother’s womb. I will ever praise you." Psalm 71:6

#grandbaby #baby #grandmother #thanks
1. When you and your daughter are students at the 1. When you and your daughter are students at the same seminary.  2. And your husband is on staff there!❤️
So excited to begin at @dallasseminary this fall! Diving into Systematic Theology as a first step to my Masters in Christian Education 😍🎉
Such a fun evening last night at Convocation.
Feliz Navidad from the Cruz family! ❤️🎄 We Feliz Navidad from the Cruz family! ❤️🎄

We've enjoyed such a fun and memorable Christmas season. So grateful for family,  loved ones, and for the way Advent cheers our spirits and reminds us of the wonder of Jesus' coming to earth.

#feliznavidad #merrychristmas #advent #joy  #family
I'm so grateful for all the ways God showed up at I'm so grateful for all the ways God showed up at our Women's Christmas Lunch with @northwestbiblewomen . ❤️🎄 This was the biggest party I've ever hosted, totally beyond my capacity. I'm giving God thanks for the amazing people who made it possible:
👉
#2 Cindy Douglas, our Women's Christmas Lunch Coordinator. So gifted.

#3 Our Ninja team who did the work to pull everything off.

#4 Our speakers, @rebeccacarrell  and @beca.inke . So talented. Filled with the Holy Spirit.

(Amazing worship team is not pictured! 😭)

#5 Fabulous table hostesses, who decorated the tables and made women feel welcome.

#6 Men who volunteered to serve, including my own José!

#7 Northwest group life team women, who served as table hostesses and supported me in those moments when I thought I'd lose my mind! 😂

(Not pictured are our lovely greeters and my dear daughter Camilla, who was at my side, one of my best friends. ❤️)

#thanks to all of you! What amazing #teamwork ! ❤️🎄

#joy #christmas #northwestbiblewomen gratitude
Best Thanksgiving ever! So grateful for family and Best Thanksgiving ever! So grateful for family and the blessing of getting to celebrate together. 🍁🦃🍁 (Best surprise ever was when @mcruzpeti walked in the door all the way from Michigan! Apparently everyone in the family knew he was coming except for José and I. ❤️)

#thanksgiving #surprise #fun #family
Fortunately, I was not in charge of decorating for Fortunately, I was not in charge of decorating for Sugar and Dice this weekend! Where I would have plunked down autumn leaves and fake pumpkins, my friend Mary had a vision to make our women's social beautiful with these flower arrangments and white pumpkin candleholders.

For me, our event was a fun celebration of women's gifts, and the fact that we are better together!

@kristenains had a great idea, organization, and menu planning skills.
@emileemeeks gave it a cute name and promoted it.
@marystoelzing made it beautiful (and got her husband and his wheelbarrow to bring in all the pumpkins).
@raisinshan led us through the ins and outs of Bunco!
@heyjayes had a willing heart to help with setup.

So grateful to get to serve with such an amazing team of women and for our @northwestbiblewomen community. ♥️

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I'm smiling about the first day of fall even thoug I'm smiling about the first day of fall even though it's 97 degrees outside in Dallas. I love fresh starts and new seasons. 🍁🍂

It's almost 6 months now since I started a new role as women's minister at Northwest Bible Church. I'm so grateful for how God has helped me up to now and for the lovely community of women I get to serve. I've been stretched in new ways, and I'm learning more about desperate dependence on Jesus! He's showing me that the most important thing I can do to serve others well is to cultivate a quiet spirit that waits on God, listens for His voice, and trusts His power instead of running ahead on my own steam! 😅

I'm looking forward to the coming season and continuing to learn how to seek more of God's presence and and trust His power.

Also looking forward to cooler days! What are you looking forward to in this new season? 🍂🍁

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He's the best! So grateful for 28 years with José He's the best! So grateful for 28 years with José. A sense of humor was #3 on the list of qualities I hoped for in a husband, and we're still laughing together. God has been so faithful and good. 

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