You wouldn’t think two eggs and a skillet would make me fall in love with my husband all over again, but they did. It wasn’t a grand, romantic expression that won my heart, but a small, daily gesture of kindness.
I got back from my morning walk and saw those two eggs and the skillet on the counter, ready for me to start making my breakfast. José had set them out before he left the house. In my morning rush, I almost overlooked it: he wanted to help me get one small step ahead on my morning.
“Would you look at what dad did for me?” I said to my daughter. “He’s a keeper.”
“Right?” she said. “You know what he told me? He said, ‘I’d put oil in the pan, but I don’t know how much she uses.”
Be still my heart. And give thanks all over again for this guy.
Extravagant romance isn’t my husband’s strong point, but he shines in daily faithfulness. He rarely buys flowers, but he brings figs home from the market every week in the summer. Just because he knows I love them. José seldom takes me to fancy restaurants, but he does the dishes at home every night. He takes the car to be serviced, and when I talk, he listens. (Most of the time.)
I have so much to learn from him.
Recently we celebrated our 22nd anniversary, and if my husband has taught me one thing, it’s this:
Small, daily investments in your marriage add up over time.
When life gets busy, it’s easy to let our marriages slide to the back burner. Our kids, our jobs, and our ministries take most of our energy and focus. If we’re not careful, we drift apart until we might as well be co-parents or co-laborers instead of husband and wife.
Romans 12:10 describes what love should look like in the body of Christ, but it offers us a good word for marriage as well:
“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.”
“Be devoted to one another.” I love the sound of that, but how do we cultivate devotion in the middle of our daily crazy?
Scripture tells us real love acts instead of talks:
Maybe small, daily deeds of love add up to devotion over the years.
How about making a small investment in your marriage today? It could look something like one of these:
- Listen when he talks.
- Turn from what you’re doing and make eye contact when he walks in the room.
- Pray for him. Pray with him.
- Ask him what he’d like for dinner.
- Make his favorite dessert.
- Ask his opinion on your plans.
- Send him a text.
- Express thanks for what he does for you.
- Buy him a treat.
- Kiss him every day.
- Offer to help him with something.
- Overlook that small thing that drives you crazy. (Let’s rise above it. I know we can do it!)
Even one small step can make a difference in our marriages today. If your marriage is struggling, a small gesture can improve things a tiny bit. If your marriage is in a good place, daily demonstrations of love make it even better. And over time, that adds up to devotion.
Now it’s your turn: Do you have an idea for a small gesture that communicates love? I’d like to hear it.
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Linking up with Kelly Balarie’s #RaRaLinkup, Holley Gerth’s Coffee for your Heart, Crystal Storms’ #HeartEncouragement, Salt and Light with Alisa Nicaud, Lyli Dunbar’s #FaithonFire, and Arabah Joy’s Grace and Truth. Check out these communities for more encouragement.
The little things really do add up. Thanks for the reminder. Praying for him especially is one thing that should be taken seriously.
Yes, they do add up. Thanks for reading today. :
Excellent advice! I’ll be sharing this during my marriage series! XOXO
Thank you, Liz. Blessings to you, friend.
Dear Betsy, I think I must be married to Jose’s twin. We’ve been married 40+ years (married in our infancy), and sadly I didn’t realize how Tom loves me until we learned about love languages about 15 years ago. Once I figured out Tom’s expressive language is service and receptive is words of affirmation, life got so much better for us. I don’t know if Tom’s given any thought to what my love languages are, but that’s okay. Prayers and blessings for you and Jose, and for your daughter who is learning what to look for in a husband.
That’s funny about my Jose being Tom’s twin, Alice! I try to learn from my husband’s example and make an effort to do small things for him, but honestly I’m not near as good at it as he is! (My love languages are quality time and gifts.)
This is such good advice: “Small, daily investments in your marriage add up over time.” My husband does lots of small things for me and it really does make a big difference. May I do likewise for him!
My husband is much better at it than I am. He floors me sometimes.
Same here, Betsy. My husband is much better at serving me than I am at serving him. He sets the example in our house.
I needed to hear this today, Betsy. Good suggestions – stop what I’m doing and give him my attention when he walks into the room. A novel idea. Simple, but easy to forget after 29 years of marriage.
Blessings to you as you enter your new season at seminary, Cathy. I’m sure that makes everything doubly challenging! Grace to you. Praying for you now.
Love this, Betsy. I need to show more gratefulness for the small expressions. Shared on FB and Twitter.
It really is the small acts of faithful kindness that go into making a marriage beautiful. By the way, this is close to an illustration Suzie Eller used this weekend in her keynote. She compared her husband’s small, faithfulness to God’s — encouraging us to look for God’s consistent faithfulness rather than always wanting the big, showy faithfulness. Y’all would have a great conversation about this!
Wow, that is so true. We’re looking for the “big stuff,” but if we look closely, we’re seeing it daily in His faithfulness and constant presence, constant help. Praying for you today, Lisa!
Ah … what might happen if we weren’t all so tethered to our phones. What a needed post, Betsy!
I’ve started intentionally leaving mine in another room. When I remember!
Amen! It sounds as if he knows your love language and speaks it fluently!
Hah! Actually my love language is quality time and gifts, but his is service. We’re learning to read love into each other’s actions. 🙂
Happy anniversary! Great advice, and how blessed are you? 😃
Thanks, Sarah. Blessed is right!
Hey Betsy! I just clicked over from Salt and Light, and boy, am I glad I’ve found your blog. There’s so much goodness in this post I don’t know where to start. I love your list of ideas! It’s so practical. And your reminder about doing devotion and doing a small act to show love and build marriage. Thank you for sharing this post with all. I’ve tweeted it out twice! And subscribed to your blog.
Hey there, Tiffiney. Thanks so much for the encouragement. Yes, let’s make those small acts add up to devotion. Thanks so much for subscribing, friend. I appreciate your voice here.
Oh, yes, these small things do add up. Van and I will celebrate 41 years of marriage in January, and he does so many little things. He calls feeding the dog and making the coffee his “evening chores” and does them faithfully day after day. Since we retired, he makes breakfast most mornings. If he notices the dishwasher is full of clean dishes, he empties it. And the result? I feel loved.
Oh Debbie, what a beautiful story here! Thanks so much for sharing. I’m praying for your marriage now. 41 years! Beautiful
This made my eyes leak with joy and I’m not even married! Lol! Such excellent examples of loving the way God intended. Good stuff!
Thanks so much, Melinda. I appreciate your life and light!
Betsy,
So true that the small daily deeds add up. As someone once told me….practice on the small stuff, that way you’ll be ready when the big opportunities arrive to be there for your spouse. Trying to heed that advice and your post was a timely encouragement and reminder. Going to set out my husband’s breakfast dishes and make preparations now 🙂
Blessings,
Bev xx
Oh Bev, I love that you’re setting out his breakfast dishes. Sometimes I hesitate to do small stuff because I think, “Oh, we won’t even notice.” But his noticing always doesn’t matter. It’s my doing it that counts! (And he is appreciative too!)
I spent yesterday with the adorable grandson, and we read these words together. (You can tell they are something I read to my boys also, since they are stuck in my gray matter.)
Little drops of water
Little grains of sand,
Make the mighty ocean,
And the pleasant land.
Little deeds of kindness,
Little words of love,
Make our earth Happy,
Like the heaven above.
So fun to read about that ‘little deed of kindness” from your husband. This is my definition of romance, for sure!
Love this, Betsy. The little things do make a big difference. Happy anniversary!
Thank you, Ginger!
THIS!!! Can I tell you how much I love this post?? Betsy, you truly hit the nail on the head. Love doesn’t have to be extravagant. It really is the little things that let us know that we’re appreciated and being thought about. Btw…. I love your list of suggestions. I’ll be adding some of those to my list of ways to show my hubby he’s loved. I’m featuring this one this week on Salt & Light! Thank you for linking up with us!
Thanks so much for the encouragement, Alisa. I really appreciate it, and thanks for featuring me at Salt & Light. Blessings on your marriage, friend.
This is so great, Betsy! Those ‘little things’ really do matter – and they help us get through the bigger things. I’ve chosen to feature your post in tomorrow’s Grace and Truth link-up. Be sure to stop by and get the “I was featured” button for your post.
Thanks so much, Aimee. I do appreciate you.
Thank you for the list. I think I better incorporate a few of these things into my relationship. As time goes by I think we sometimes take our relationship with our spouse for granted.
So true that we can take each other for granted, Maree. Noticing little things helps me.
Love this, Betsy! (Playing a little catch up with my reading today). Pinning this now xo
Thank you. 🙂