Everyone wants a beautiful life, don’t you think? But just when you’re finally on the road to your happy place, your car breaks down! The dog gets diarrhea, or your company is downsizing, or you get a call from your bank asking if you charged $6,000 at Target yesterday. So many things can drain the happiness right out of a woman.
Joy escapes us if we wait for the problem-free life. Happier people learn to find beauty in their bumpy messes and hope in their hurting places.
Recently I celebrated 53 and wrote about what I’ve learned about leading a more beautiful life. I’m giving thanks because although I still have so much to learn, I’m more joyful today than 20 years ago.
Here are 5 things I’d tell my 33 year old self:
Get Comfortable in Your own Skin
Relax and be yourself. You don’t have to be afraid you’re talking, laughing, or dressing too loud at the party. Take risks. Don’t second guess thoughts that come into your head about reaching out to someone you barely know to encourage them with a smile, a text, or an invitation to coffee. They won’t think you’re weird; they’ll be glad. Be your best version of you. That’s who the world around you needs.
And don’t forget how beautiful you are. Learn to embrace your brand of beauty instead of wishing you had someone else’s figure or face.
Find Joy in Your Darkest Places
Don’t wait for joy. Find it in the dark, fearful places instead of putting it off until happy, sunny days arrive. Then you’ll always have some measure of it. Psalm 16:11 reminds me no matter what life brings, I have more joy today WITH God than without Him:
These add joy to my daily life:
- God’s Word
- Music
- Laughter with people I love
- Noticing beautiful things
- Cultivating gratefulness for small blessings
Take Care of Yourself
Whether we’re moms, daughters, sisters, or friends, God made women nurturers, yet we can run ourselves ragged when we don’t care for ourselves. He calls us to love others AS we love ourselves, not instead of loving ourselves. When we practice self-care, we’re better prepared to help others.
- What do you enjoy doing? Make time for that each day, even if it’s only 15 minutes.
- How could you take better care of yourself physically?
- What about your emotional needs? Let Jesus fill your emotional tank first, but spend time with people you love.
- What feeds and nourishes your spirit? Let God renew your mind and heart as you read His word. Read an encouraging book. Get outside and talk a walk.
Cherish the Person You Said “I Do” To
While your kids are growing up, busy routines make it easy to take that person sleeping next to you for granted. Take a few minutes each day to cherish him. Kiss him when you part and when you meet again. Leave aside your mental to-do list and give him your undivided attention when he’s talking. Sex can be the first thing to slide when you’re busy, so celebrate your relationship by having it often.
Small investments in your relationship make a big difference over time. Your husband will be your best friend when it’s time for the kids to fly the coop.
Family First
“I wish I hadn’t spent so much time with my kids when they were younger,” said no mother ever. Our kids will leave home one day, so let’s enjoy them now and make small, daily choices to put our families before our careers and ministries.
I’d be the first to say I’m still learning. My family and friends would definitely tell you I haven’t arrived, but I’ll walking forward. I press on to follow God’s leading on the path to a more beautiful life.
What about you? What’s something you’d tell your younger self?
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Amazing how much wiser we get as we grow older in age and more mature in Jesus! Love your words as always Betsy!
xoxo
I’m not sure that I’m all that wiser, Christy, but I’m trying! 🙂
Beautiful, Betsy. I’ve got no advice for my younger self right now, but I loved reading yours. Thank you for sharing these, my friend. 🙂
Thanks for reading, Lois! I appreciate you.
Such truth here Betsy-thanks again for sharing and reminding us of the important things in life! I’m with you on so much of this too!
Thanks for showing up here today and reading, Jill. I appreciate you.
Getting comfortable in my own skin is the one that is the most difficult for me. I never thought that getting older would bother me, but I don’t like all the little complications and ugliness that comes with it. I obviously still need to make peace with it. 🙂 Thanks for the encouragement, Betsy!
Oh Lisa, you are so beautiful, friend. It’s not ugliness. 🙂 I know what you mean. I kept thinking that I was getting bags under my eyes due to no sleep, now I realize it’s the effects of gravity, whether I get lots of sleep or not! 🙂
Betsy,
These are spot on!! It’s taken me a long time to get comfortable in my own skin. At this point I kind of figure if someone isn’t going to like me….then so be it. It won’t crush me. Also self care. My wonderful husband asks me each day, “What are you going to do good for yourself today?” He reminds me that it’s important to take care of me. Perhaps this makes it easier to love and appreciate the wonderful man I’m married to. I know what a bad marriage looks like and so, to have a good one….I thank God for this blessing all the time. I, too, am learning that joy and pain can coexist and we can look for the beautiful even on the not so good days….so much wisdom here….thank you!
Blessings,
Bev xx
That’s great that your husband asks you this question, Bev. So important! Wow, sounds like he takes care of you. And yes to looking for the beautiful.
Hi Betsy!
These are great reminders, and I find them all to be entirely true! I love the reminder of loving our neighbors AS we love ourselves. We really get that all wrong sometimes! This is great encouragement as I’m about 11 years behind you and relearning / still learning a lot of these truths. Thank you for encouraging me today! Stopping by from Holley Gerth’s linkup.
Oh Rebekah! I’m definitely behind myself. (Even at 53 🙂 I have so much to learn. Blessings to you, friend, as you learn more about taking care of yourself. I’m in that same journey!
Great list! I have always struggled with wanting people to like me. The older I get, the less I care when someone doesn’t like me.
I love that, Sarah! Wonderful. Good for you. 🙂
Goodness, there are such great tips here, I find it hard to choose a favourite. I was nodding all through this article, Betsy and I’m pinning it now to refer to time and again.
I’m so grateful for friends like you who willingly pass on your lessons learned. I’m definitely taking notes! 🙂 Blessings to you!
I’ve taken lots of notes from you too, Marva. 🙂 Thanks for reading today.
Still learning!
I have some regrets about how I’ve taken care of myself over the years (or not!), but am working hard at good decision now. Our fifties seem like a good place for us to be!
Yes, Michele. I’m also trying to learn to take better care of myself. 50 IS a good place to be! 🙂
Betsy, this is a great post. I love your wisdom here. I’m turning 40 this year and have lots of things I wish I could tell my 20-year-old self. I’d share everything you said with her and more! Visiting from #heartencouragement
Thank you, Sarah. I appreciate your reading.
Great advice, Betsy! My two favorites: Embrace your own brand of beauty and finding joy in the middle with God. Amen to more joy with Him! Sweet blessings!
Thanks so much, Crystal. Yes to finding joy in the middle!
I affirm all of these things at 41 and I hope if I continue to practice them, I’ll be as beautiful as you are at 53. It’s so valuable to not be derailed by those bumps of life. Yes they are annoying, but there are great lessons there too. And self care – it’s one thing I’m trying to give myself permission to do more. Always love your encouragement, dear friend.
Such wisdom him Betsy. You inspire me! “Don’t wait for joy, find it in the dark”: SUCH TRUTH!! You’re so right, we can’t wait for it. Honestly life is HARD, but God is not! WIth Him, we CAN. We CAN!!! Love you!
Yes, life CAN be hard, Shannon, and I know you’ve been through tough times yourself. Here’s to finding joy when the road gets rough. 🙂
I love this, Betsy! The most challenging one for me is being comfortable in my own skin. How crazy is that?
That IS crazy, Ginger, because, Girl, that skin you’re in happens to be beautiful! (But I do understand your feeling on that one. 🙂 )
What a fabulous gift, to simply be comfortable in our own skin. I’ve found that to be truer the older I’ve gotten. Along with claiming joy and gratitude. Being very proactive about taking care of myself. And saying ‘I love you’ more and more.
Maybe most of all? Leaning into Jesus as much as humanly possible.
Loved this post, Betsy. Weekend blessings to you!
Oh yes, Linda. Leaning into Jesus. That’s the most important thing of all, isn’t it? And what a beautiful idea to say “I love you” often.
I am visiting from noticing your warm, smiling face from a few link-ups 🙂
I am 44 and I resonate with all of these so much! I would add to not stay in friendships with people who are stuck/toxic/drainers where there isn’t reciprocal giving + receiving. I see more and more how much the top 5 people we are with really do influence us, our health, joy, faith, and mindset.
That is such great wisdom, Aimee. A few years ago, I made a hard decision to distance myself from one of the toxic/draining people in my life. It was hard to do, and even felt “un-Christian,” but it was so freeing and life-giving for me. Thanks for visiting.
Great list, Betsy! And so encouraging. You have given us a beautiful balance of the most significant areas in our lives. My older two are graduating today, so I’m in a period of reflection. Your tip about keeping family first is especially meaningful today.
Aww, Dianne. I can imagine how you might feel. My youngest graduates high school next week, and I’m a bit reflective/nostalgic because my son in America has 3 free weeks right now, yet we’re not able to be together. Blessings to you, friend.
Why is we become so wise as we grow older? I hope younger woman take your words to heart. My favorite is to find joy in the dark places.
I’m praying now that you’ll find lots of it, Maree. 🙂
Such great tips Betsy to put into place in our own lives! Happy Birthday and may God bless you in the year to come! 🙂
Visiting from #Grace&Truth
Thanks so much, Julie. I appreciate you.