As a teenager, I’d secretly lift clothes from my mom’s closet and wear them. When Mom left for work in the morning, I’d wait for her car to pull out of the driveway. Then I’d go into her closet and slip on her expensive designer jeans before I left for school. In the afternoon, I’d get home before she did and hang her jeans back in their place.
Mom didn’t discover it for months, until the day she slid those Calvin Klein jeans off the hanger, only to see that they were faded and frayed. Boy, was she mad! We had a big fight, but it was worth it because I’d already worn those designer jeans to school for 5 months.
Remembering this now helps me keep perspective for those times when my blood starts to boil because I can’t find a scarf or jacket that my daughter snagged!
Parenting a teen girl is like riding a roller coaster.
The teen years represent some of the most joyful years for parents. There are funny, laughing, happy days. But there are also exploding, angry, depressed days as our children wrestle with independence, self-esteem, and hormones that sky rocket and plummet. How can we accentuate the positives and minimize the negatives?
Let’s keep our eyes on the miracle. A child slowly transforms into a young adult before your eyes. Ephesians 2:10 says that your teenaged girl is God’s masterpiece:
Your daughter is a work of art in progress. If you wake up to the wonder, you’ll be amazed as she grows into the person God created her to be.
4 Keys to Keeping the Wonder of the Teen Years:
Relationship
On the surface, it looks like our teen girls don’t need us as much as they did when they were small. In reality, they need relationship with us more than ever. Your daughter wants to know that you value her as a person. Ask questions about her dreams and interests. Listen. Go on girl dates. Developing a close relationship now paves the way for lifelong friendship after she leaves home.
Keep Your Cool
When she explodes at you, your daughter needs you to stay calm. Even when you want so badly to dish it right back at her, remember that one careless word can crush her heart. When a volatile girl pushes your buttons, staying serene requires supernatural Holy Spirit power, so give Him the control. Keep your response quiet, and she’ll calm down.
Stay Positive
Foster your teen girl’s self-esteem by looking for ways to encourage her. What is she doing right? Cultivate positive interaction. What do you love doing together? Make popcorn, ride bikes, or watch your favorite TV series. Have fun! Giggle and get crazy together. Enjoy the person she’s becoming.
Don’t Forget Faith
The most important thing you can do is to pray for your girl. Encourage her to have her own quiet time, and talk about what you’re both learning from God. Keep an open dialogue and encourage her to think critically about how to respond when the world challenges her faith.
The roller coaster ride of parenting teens has its ups and downs. I’m no expert, but I’m trying to keep my focus on the wonder and enjoy the ride. I hope to encourage my daughter as she grows to be the masterpiece God created.
Now it’s your turn: What helps you to keep things positive between you and your teenager?
This was re-edited from a guest post I originally wrote for Kaylene Yoder. Visit Kaylene’s beautiful blog here. You’ll find wisdom for wives and mothers, encouragement for your prayer life, and Bible study tips.
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Ha! It’s kind of a compliment when your daughter swipes your clothes, because I can’t imagine ANY teen girl being caught dead in anything that I wear.
Having said that, I can see that your thoughts on parenting teen girls are also relevant to this houseful of boys — particularly the importance of relationship. I feel so blessed whenever my grown up boys call home, and as hard as it is to say good bye after a visit, I’m thankful that they still really want to spend time here with us.
Blessings, Betsy, you fashionista, you!
I remember those teen age years with my sons. I’ll be honest they were not always my favorite. Your advice is applicable for boys too. Pray, keep a sense of humor, stay calm and continue to invest in them and their future. Thank you for your wisdom.
I needed these reminders this morning, Betsy. Your story about borrowing your mom’s jeans reminds me of the little memories of my own growing-up years that keep surfacing as my girls get older. I expect so much from them, and then I remember how I was, and what my attitude was like. It definitely helps me keep things in perspective! I have a button-pusher too–one who readily admits when she’s doing it and thinks it’s funny. In the “Keeping It Cool” department, I’m trying to learn to keep my mouth shut and my sense of humor intact! Great post!
This was so good to read tonight, Betsy! My teen is a young lady now but I have another one up and coming. Oh for grace and wisdom and love. Point #2 is so crucial for me.
Wow, another one up and coming! May the Lord give you ample grace and a cool head. That is huge for me too. I’m finding it to be important both for my own daughter and a young adult I’m trying to mentor. When they’re flying off the handle, I try to stay calm and take what they’re saying with a grain of salt… Hard to do, isn’t it? So grateful for the privilege of having young women in my life.
Betsy,
Aside from sending them away for several years while they’re a teen, I think your advice is right on the money. I know, for me, it took until I had children of my own for me to TRULY appreciate all the sacrifices my mom made for me and just what a good mom she was. As a mom of a teen, you will be loathed at some points, but God has a way of still weaving lessons into their hearts.
Blessings,
Bev xx
Actually the teen stage is my favorite stage so far. It’s a rough ride sometimes, but so much fun. Yes, I totally agree that you understand more of your own parents’ sacrifice after you have kids yourself. 🙂
My oldest is almost 11, so I am enjoying the times we spend together before she wants to go her own way. Love my girls, but I am not excited about them growing up so fast!
Well, to look on the bright side, I think older teens are lots of fun, but yes they grow up fast!
Betsy, what a transparent and helpful article..thank you for sharing. I did not have the joy of a daughter, but reading your article gave me ideas for enjoying my daughters-in-love. They are well beyond the teenage years, but asking what they are reading, and learning from the LORD is such a great idea!
Aw, thanks, Devri. That means a lot coming from YOU. 🙂
This is good advice. Maintaining communication is so important, and I like the idea of thinking of others (and ourselves) as God’s masterpieces. Still works in progress but created by God to be something beautiful.
Yes, Lesley! We are all works in progress. This encourages me too.
Staying calm when they’re freaking out is the best and hardest thing to do; which requires prayer, and lots of it. Thankfully I’m past that stage. Have the scars to prove it 😜
Great post. Stoping by via #HeartEncouragement
~Sherry Stahl
Xoxo
Oh yes, I’m with you. It’s the hardest thing ever! I hope you’re enjoying your new stage. I’m loving this one.
Remembering the person in front of us is God’s masterpiece seems like great advice for all our relationships.
I remember “borrowing” a few of my Mom’s pieces too, Betsy. Thanks for triggering a good memory. ((Hugs))
Aw, Crystal! Hugs back atcha! You were also a borrower? 🙂
I’m learning similar lessons Betsy! Thanks as always for thought provoking and also practical posts that inspire! Always a pleasure to read your words!
Thanks so much for your encouragement, Jill. I wish we could have coffee together and hash out parenting teens!
Betsy,
Great advice…I try to do what you say on your list but I confess that it is hard sometimes but it always motivates me to pray more 🙂 I’m trying to have a breakfast date on Saturdays with my girl now and then
The two most important things I did during my girls’ teen years were to go on weekly ‘Coffee Friday’ dates and to use the mighty do-over. The first time I sprang a do-over after a snarly conversation, I think I shocked my daughter. But the second time around went so much better and we both felt better afterwards!
How I’m always in need of the reminder to keep my cool! 😉 I do think I’m getting better at realizing the times when I just need to not say anything – and keeping my mouth shut when I have something to say is an area in which I definitely need Holy Spirit help!
The most vital part of parenting my teenage daughters is prayer…prayer for them, for me, for their future. So thankful I have a God who can work in all of our lives and provide protection, guidance, and grace for each of us!!
Oh yes, Tracey! Thanks for that wonderful reminder. Prayer is KEY, isn’t it.
Maybe THAT’S where my clothes are going! But I won’t attack her when I ask, all thanks to your oh-so-helpful and insightful post here, Betsy. 😉
Hah! Right? We have a black hole in our house! (But I have to say I’m pretty bad about borrowing my daughter’s makeup!