Right after my husband and I got married, our differences started to look a lot bigger than they had while we were dating. For example Jose would finish his food in two minutes flat, the same amount of time it would take me to pick up a fork. In our newlywed days, we’d share desserts, but he’d finish them before my third bite. This irked me, but my suggestion to cut desserts in half irritated him because it seemed petty. We’d get in a stew over lemon meringue pie.
We still drive each other crazy some days:
He makes decisions slowly and rarely questions them afterwards. I make a decision quickly only to second guess it a thousand times. He’s always on time; I’m usually running late. He’s Mr. Neatnik. I’m Mrs. Clutter.
I’m telling you, I can drive that man up the wall.
Two people driving each other crazy isn’t the picture God had in mind when He created marriage:
How do we become one flesh when we come from two different planets and get on each other’s nerves?
Daily prayer together can stop the crazy cycle.
Maybe the best thing you can do for your marriage is to pray together. My husband and I have discovered praying together makes a bigger difference than anything else we do for our relationship. When we make spiritual unity a top priority, everything else falls into place more easily.
Praying together helps two people become one. Here are some benefits:
Spiritual Connection: You connect spiritually at the start or end of each day. Over time, your spiritual intimacy grows as you seek God together in prayer.
Greater Agreement: Reaching a mutual decision comes more naturally when you seek God’s wisdom together. It’s easier to be on the same page concerning discipline and family matters when you’re praying together for your children.
Encouragement: You can pray for each other’s dreams, projects, or plans. And when one of you is discouraged, the other can hold him up in prayer.
Spiritual Growth Praying with your husband might encourage you to pray more as an individual.
Improved relationship: It’s harder to withhold forgiveness or stay irritated at people when you’re praying with them.
Daily prayer together can ground your relationship and help you grow spiritually closer as a couple.
3 steps can help you get started.
1. Pray first
Before you talk to your husband, pray about it yourself.
2. Honor him as the spiritual head of your home
. Make a gentle suggestion and ask him what he thinks. Let him pick the time that’s best for him. Don’t steamroller him to try to get your way. (I’ve tried steamrolling, and it didn’t work. You might want to check out “10 Ways to Honor Your Husband.”)
3. Start small.
Begin with five minutes a day. If praying daily is too much for your husband, suggest once a week, and let him pick which day. You can always pray for your marriage and family by yourself the other days.
After twenty years, Jose and I have learned how to eat a piece of chocolate cake without fighting. We’ve also learned that praying together is the most important thing we do as a couple, but you know what? It’s the first thing to go when we get busy or experience change. Even then, we always get back to it, and it’s always worth it.
Now it’s your turn: Do you and your spouse pray together?
Are you facing the challenges of life on an empty tank? Need help renewing your relationship with God?
I’ll take a wild guess and say that very few Christian couples are praying together on a consistent basis. I’ll take another wild guess that one wants to and doing so is out of the comfort zone of the other.
This is an import piece, Betsy. Here’s hoping and praying it ends up in the hands that need it most …
Yes, I think you’re right, Linda. I’m also aware of many women married to non-believers. Thanks for your prayer and hope, friend. 🙂
Oh, Betsy, thanks for being real here.
Like you, I’m so thankful for the man God gave me, and I want to cherish that relationship with His help. Thanks for this straightforward advice.
Thanks so much, Michele. This makes such a big difference in my marriage with Jose.
Marriage is a sacred gift that blossoms when God is at the center. Your words are important for all couples and it is the prayer I pray for my both of my sons. Experience tells me how important prayer is and how it can strengthen a marriage. Love this!
Thank you Mary! May God bless both of your sons in their marriages.
We used to pray together, but it hasn’t been on our radar recently. Thanks for the reminder! I love the list of benefits you listed. So important…
Thanks for reading today, Emily. Blessings on your marriage.
It’s so interesting to me that we can pray for our kids, teaching them how to pray as well. We can pray over meals or pray as a study group or corporately at church. But when it comes to praying with my spouse? That seems to get pushed aside in the busyness of all we have going on. Thank you for the much-needed reminder that prayer can have such a positive and powerful impact on our marriages!
Yes, it’s true. It gets pushed to the side, doesn’t it? We tried haphazard and let it fall by the wayside for the first 10 years of marriage! Blessings to you and Phil, Kristine. You have such a good husband.
Such good words. I agree with Linda…even though spouses are often praying individually, they are less often praying together regularly.
I so appreciate your taking the time to read and comment. It means a lot to me, Lisa.
These are such great, practical tips Betsy. Praying with my husband is something I especially need to work on. Thank you for this encouraging reminder, friend. May our marriages be living testimonies of the One who created them.
Amen, sister! Make our marriages a testimony, to our kids, and to the world around us. 🙂
Lary and I do pray together. That hasn’t always been the case. We used to put a sticky note on the tv to remind us to pray. Most nights, we just looked right past it. Then…a crisis hit and we didn’t need a sticky note. We prayed like never before. We miss sometimes, but as you said, we always return to it.
Love your practical way of helping us learn to live more like Jesus. xo
Yes, returning to it is the most important thing. So easy to let go of. I know a couple that reads scripture together each day. The thought of it blesses me, but we don’t do that. It’s hard to find a balance. We value individual time seeking God, but find power for our marriage when we do it together.
Beautiful! Thank you for the reminder, Betsy! <3 xoxo
You’re welcome, Carolina. Thanks for stopping by.
Wow Betsy… I just prayed with my husband for the first time ever last week-over a job interview for him… short and far from eloquent, but the seed is planted- it’s God place to grow it… My husband does not attend church with us but I feel the Lord working on him as He’s worked in me the past 4 years… In God’s time I know it will happen! Thanks for this greatest of all reminders for every relationship: When we make spiritual unity a top priority, everything else falls into place more easily. YES and AMEN! ♥
Heather, your comment is so important to me because I was thinking that many readers might have non-believing husbands. How precious that you prayed with your husband for his job. I’m praying now for your relationship, for grace, and for a spirit of wisdom and revelation on him, so he can know God better. Thanks so much for your input.
Prayer is the glue that binds us-to each other and to God. My husband and I haven’t been praying together lately, but I like your point that it doesn’t have to be every day. So often we fall into a trap and think, “well, we missed a day, so we might as well stop.” (Said in an Eeyore voice.) great reminder!
Hi Sarah! Yes, I know well that “We missed a day, so we might as well stop.” mindset! I’ve had those thoughts too. I love the idea of fresh starts. We can always make a fresh start today! Thanks for your comment.
Betsy, this is such an important message! Your tips are great. David and I pray together regularly–often stopping in the middle of the day to pray for a specific person or something going on. However, we only have one time set on our schedule each week to pray together and for each other. This is a very special and precious time. We can always use more prayer time with just the two of us! Thanks for the encouragement! You’re a blessing!
You were my inspiration! I read your post on prayer as a couple a few weeks ago, and it sparked me since Jose and I do it daily. I don’t think it matters how often, as long as it’s fairly frequent and consistent. Daily has worked for us because it cements our relationship AND draws us together spiritually. It’s almost easier for us to do daily than once in a while. Because once in a while never happens for us! You guys are such an encouragement to us too.
Betsy,
Yes, my husband and I pray together…in the morning and before we go to sleep at night. It is the best way to start and end a day. Like you said, it’s hard to stay mad at someone if you are praying with for them. Still, I know that a good time to pray would be when we see an argument brewing…There is definitely a correlation – that the more we pray together the smoother things go.
Blessings,
Bev
ps. I was chuckling over your differences – they are a lot like ours 🙂
Thanks so much, Bev. It warms my heart to imagine you and your husband praying with each other twice daily. You are so right. Before an argument would be a good time! 🙂
Such an edifying post full of Godly wisdom! This is my first time meeting you! I am visiting you from Lyli’s link-up. So thankful I did, and trust God to richly bless you and your marriage and blog. 🙂
Thanks so much, for reading today, Cheryle. May the Lord bless you today with His presence and JOY.
Betsy such needed words. We pray a lot in this house and him at work individually on our knees and sometimes I’m walking thru the house with my hands lifted up. We pray at every meal at home and out and we pray in groups at church and individually, but it looks like we have some work to do and I think it will be easy to incorporate.
I’m praising God for your testimony of a household at prayer, Debbie! You bless me, friend!
Love this encouragement to pray with our spouse, especially the words of wisdom about starting small. My husband and I have allowed the busyness of this season prevent us from dedicating time for prayer each day, which isn’t even a good excuse. Consider me encouraged to pick up the habit again.
I know what you mean, Sarah. I don’t think every day is a hard and fast rule, but I just wanted to share what we have found. It was so funny, the other day, WHILE WRITING THIS POST, I was tempted to skip it because I was too busy! 😉
Yay, Betsy and Jose! : ) I also have a gift for driving my husband nuts. And we learned this one early on in our marriage too. We’ve also noticed the difference when we fall away from praying together. So grateful the Lord is involved and is glad to have us come to Him- even when we’re a slightly squabbling, unattractive mess together. I love the points you make- that prayer brings us into grater agreement is something I had not thought of! Thanks, Betsy!
Yep, I’m definitely gifted that way, Bethany. I think that without our even trying, prayer helps us to be on the same page more often on our life issues, or at least to see each other’s point of view. Blessings on your marriage, friend.
Beautiful advice here, Betsy. Jeff and I go through seasons where we do pray together, but more where we don’t pray together. It’s a great habit to get into though and I always love it when we’re in it. Thanks for your encouragement!
Blessings on your marriage, Lisa. We’ve gone through seasons when we haven’t as much, often when we’re in transition, moving, etc. It just falls by the wayside. One thing I love is that we do pray with our kids fairly regularly, so we at least get that in! 🙂
Our prayers together are spotty, but I’m thankful for the ones that happen. I’d love them to be consistent. Guess that’s something to pray over vs. steamroller, because, like you, I can put it in drive far too easily. Your words are always a blessing, Betsy.
Ha! I love that: “put it in drive.” You’re making me smile, friend. Praying blessing over your marriage. now.
We got this advice during our marital counseling, and I can state for a fact that it’s made an incredible difference in our marriage that we start each day by praying together out loud.
Sharing this with my online prayer group, Betsy.
Thanks for sharing this, Lyli. Wow, that is powerful. Praying for each other out loud at the start of each day. Love that, Lyli.
This is definitely an area where we have room for improvement. Love this! And you, dear Betsy! xo
Yeah, well you guys have a unique challenge right now, friend! Praying for grace for you now, Liz. I love you too.
I love it when my husband prays for me. His prayers are powerful. He wouldn’t admit that, but it’s true.
Wow, how great to hear that your husband prays for you. <3
great post and so important! Thanks for the reminder! I will start again!
Such good advice, Betsy! Your post reminds me of Isaac and Rebekah. The only recorded time of Isaac praying was he prayed for Rebekah to conceive. We were going through infertility issues when that part of the story caught at my heart – and we have been praying together ever since. Also, revising some of our expectations early in marriage is, I think, the hardest part about being a newlywed. We still haven’t quite hashed out who’s taking out the garbage (after almost 33 years of marriage). LOL
Ha! If you’re able to figure out a strategy for who’s taking out the garbage, let me know. 🙂 And yes to revising expectations. Always so important.
Praying together makes a big impact. Lately God has been reminding me of the importance of making the time and effort to do the things we did when we were younger. More prayer would also be good to add in the mix of a renewed focus. Blessings and have a good weekend.
That’s a great perspective: time and effort to do those things we did when we were younger. This week my husband suggested going to the beach, spontaneously. Our kids are away for the week. I started to think, “I’m really busy.” Then I thought, “Betsy, are you crazy, or what?” Of course I went, and we had a great time.