A friend says that more couples divorce over the cap left off the toothpaste than for any other reason. Her statement is personal opinion, but it makes an important point. We tend to blow little things out of proportion.
We’ve all read in the book of Proverbs about the Quarrelsome, Nagging Wife who’s like a drippy faucet. The poor Proverbs man would rather live in a desert than with her (21:19). Most women, including me, easily turn into a drippy faucet. Our husband brought home the wrong brand of detergent from the grocery store, and we let him know. Drip. We see the toilet seat left up, and we remind him one more time. Drip, drip, drip.
All those little drips tear a man down.
My husband Jose is faithful and responsible. He demonstrates love through serving and speaks calm into my chaos. To give you an idea of the kind of man he is, let me tell you about Bad Breakfast Wednesday. Jose usually makes breakfast, but Wednesdays are my turn. One Wednesday I was running late. I let the cream of wheat boil over, dropped a raw egg on the floor, and turned into a ranting hot mess. My husband quietly picked up a dish rag to help me. Then after breakfast, he helped with the dishes. Even though Wednesday wasn’t his turn.
Is my husband perfect? No. He has bad days. He makes mistakes and forgets things. But when I’m busy noticing every little thing he does wrong, I miss the bigger picture of what he’s doing right.
I don’t want to be that quarrelsome, nagging wife who points out every little shortcoming. Instead of tearing my marriage down, I want to build it up. I want to continue growing as a wife, so I’m making a decision:
Let Go of the Small Stuff
You know the small stuff you need to let go of. All those little quirks and things you wish were different about your husband:
- He wears an old t-shirt and jeans instead of the new clothes you bought him.
- He forgot to take out the trash.
- He didn’t notice your new haircut.
Wise wives choose let go of these things. What would happen to our marriages if we decided for one week to zip our lips and not mention them?
Focus on the Positive
What if we decided instead to change our focus and be on the lookout for our husbands’ positive qualities? Does your husband work? Does he ever do a favor for you, play with the kids, or help out around the house?
Communicate Your Appreciation
What qualities does your mate have? What do you appreciate about him? How about letting him know? Write a note, send a text, or tell him how much he means to you. Thank him for the things he does around the house.
The surprisingly simple tip for a better marriage is this: Let Go of the Small Stuff.
It’s so simple, yet we all know that when your husband breaks your favorite coffee cup or forgets your date night, letting it go is hard. How about trying it for one week? Let’s keep our lips zipped when it comes to faultfinding, and express appreciation for positive things instead. Will you join me?
Now it’s your turn: Do you have any drippy faucet tendencies? What do you appreciate about your husband?
Linking up with Holly Barrett’s #TestimonyTuesday, Kelly Balarie’s #RaRalinkup, Holley Gerth’s Coffee for your Heart, and Arabah Joy’s Grace and Truth. Check out these communities for more encouragement.
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Amen and amen! I discovered number 3 is super important in my marriage. For the first several years in our marriage, I didn’t verbally express my appreciation. Sure, I appreciated him, I just didn’t say it. What a difference it makes in the tone of our marriage, family, and household when I show him the appreciation he deserves – especially in front of the kids! Such an important reminder today, Betsy.
You are so right, Kristine. It REALLY does affect the tone of our marriage and home life when we express appreciation, doesn’t it? Also when we point out shortcomings: “your forgot this” and the like. I’m asking God to help me with this, especially this week!
Oh Betsy, the Lord has been convicted me about this lately…like…for months. But particularly this week. I’m a small picture person to begin with, finding the big picture hard to grasp. This helps, thank you!! (From my husband too, I’m sure ; P) Blessings!
Yes, Bethany, I’m a perfectionist, detail-oriented person, so I’m praying to grow as a wife. Especially working on letting the small stuff go this week!
Wise adice, Betsy! Now I just have to find a way to be intentional about this while he is serving on the other side of the world.
May the Lord bless your marriage, even during this time of separation, Liz!
Such good stuff, Betsy! It’s amazing how lovely and gracious we can be to people we barely know, but can be such shrews at home. I want to be a waterfall of grace, not a nagging drip.
The reminder is well taken today, friend!
;-}
Oh yes! Linda, it is amazing, isn’t it? I’m working on keeping the drippy faucet turned OFF this week. And yes, let’s be waterfalls of grace instead. Lovely thought.
Yes, the hot rant is my default as well, but I have a gracious husband who reminds me of what I’m sounding like. The image from Proverbs that comes to my mind when I’m not doing very well in some area is that of the woman who tears her house down with both hands. God has done such a work of grace here in my home, giving me blessings that I in NO WAY deserve, and I could literally tear the whole thing down with selfishness and faithless words.
Betsy, I’m so thankful for the way God leads you in your choice of topics for the blog!
Yes, that is such a powerful reminder. Tearing your house down with your own hands. Yikes! This is so hard for me because I’m a perfectionist, so it feels natural for me to point out things that are wrong in general. So negative for the atmosphere at home. I’m keeping my trap shut this week! Thanks for your encouragement, Michele.
Sounds as if we need to be praying for each other!
Yes, yes, and yes! I dripped all over Tony recently about light bulbs. Light bulbs! Loved the analogy. I never thought of in that way, but it hit home. Good writing style, too, Betsy. Your writing gets better by the post.
Light bulbs! I know! We drop over the darnedest stuff, don’t we? Me too. Thanks for the encouragement on my writing.
Love these words to which I can relate even though I am not married. What I know with any relationship is that you need to let go of the small stuff and focus on what is right. Don’t let your bad day become everyone else’s bad day. Hugs and grace friend!
That’s a great way to put it: don’t let YOUR bad day become everyone else’s bad day. ( I also like: don’t let their bad day become YOURS.” I try to keep it in mind when someone around me’s having a bad day!)
Betsy, I would prefer not to think of myself as a drippy faucet, but unfortunately, the analogy fits all too often. I’ve been working on communicating my appreciation to my husband; now I need to start letting go of the small stuff, daily and intentionally. I love how you shared this message in such a kind way … a spoonful of sugar really does make the medicine go down, doesn’t it? 🙂
Thank you, Lois. I have drippy faucet tendencies myself and am praying for Holy Spirit control this week especially!
Thanks, Betsy. You and I have the same kind of husbands and we are indeed grateful but I, too, can be such a “picky” faultfinding wife. I am encouraged to let the small things go and be thankful more and more. This is a good word for me too and a reminder I need quite often. Love and blessings to you.
Hi there Sandy! Almost called you yesterday. If you need this reminder, you can imagine how much I need it! It’s my special challenge to myself this week! Helps so much to keep me accountable when I know I wrote a blog post about it!
Excellent points, Betsy – and can I just add that this is true with our kids as well? Last Thurs was honours night at my daughter’s high school. The last 2 times she dressed up for this event (after all she was going to be up on stage getting her award), but this time she just wore regular school-day clothes and put on her battered running shoes. I was so tempted to suggest she wear something different, especially the shoes! My mom would have told ME that I should change. But I didn’t say anything. As it turned out, lots of kids wore casual attire that night, and did her shoes really matter in the larger scheme of things? So I appreciate your reminder today.
You are absolutely right, Jeannie. The same thing has happened to me with my kids: I refrain from commenting on their clothes and find out later my kids were more on-target than I thought. And yes, I can get SO nit-picking with the kids. (That could be another blog post sometime… 🙂 )
Beautiful post, Betsy! I can tell that your words are not just helpful tips, but gems of wisdom and experience. The Bible says in Proverbs 3 that wisdom is more precious than rubies, so I treasure your wisdom here. Thanks so much so sharing! Peace and many blessings to you, Love! 🙂
Thank you so much, Tai. I appreciate your encouragement.
You are most welcome, Love! Hope you have a great week! 🙂
I DON’T WANT TO BE THAT NAGGING DRIP!! Love this post! So much wisdom! Thank you! 🙂
Me neither! Thanks for stopping by, Megan.
Love this! So true that the small stuff just isn’t worth all the nagging and fighting it often leads to. One of my parenting books suggested you decide which things were really worth the fight and going to the mat over – and to let the others go (or be willing to accept the child’s alternate choices). Looking at each conflict through this lens has really helped – is this particular thing worth the fight or can I live with the choice my child (or husband) has made.
Yes, yes, Kathryn. I couldn’t agree more. Choosing our battles (a FEW of them) and letting the rest go is so helpful to a good atmosphere at home.
YES! This is an every day thing! My husband and I just celebrated our first wedding anniversary and we regularly try to laugh about the small stuff instead of holding grudges, etc. Unless we’re holding on to each other or Jesus, there is no room for holding onto things in marriage!
Congratulations on your first anniversary! How exciting! Blessings on year #2!
Betsy,
So true 🙂 It really does make a world of difference to focus on the positive instead of the small things…Loved the sweet story about your hubby…blessings to you 🙂 I was also thinking of how my husband has to overlook the things about me that annoy him…Surprise (*wink*)
Oh yes that’s right, Dolly. My husband overlooks A LOT. I don’t know if it’s just us, but sometimes I think men are better at that…
Super tips, Betsy. And, oh, how I need to remember each one! Hugs and blessings!
Thanks Sabra! I need to call you. Would love to catch up with you!
This is so true. I have an awesome husband. He doesn’t make the bed though. That used to bother me when we were first married. Then I decided that it was easier for me to just do it myself and not make a big deal out of it. That’s a small example but it represents other little things as well. I know that he overlooks annoying things I do, too. : )
This is such an important concept, Betsy. Shifting our focus from the negatives to the positives can sometimes be a challenge, but it is the key to happiness and contentment in marriage, as in life.
Great article – but actually, as a husband who’s trying to work on his marriage – while I agree I would love it if my wife let go of the small stuff, it’s good for me to know about which small things matter to her – as I believe that as a husband, looking out for the small stuff is one of the ways we can communicate to our wives how much we love and value them. I’ve actually dedicated a whole section of my site to it, as I think it’s the smallest things that make the biggest difference – the things that could be ‘let go of’ that means so much more when I take the extra 2 minutes to think about… http://becomingabetterhusband.com/category/the-little-things/. That said – I totally agree that letting go is a good principle, but not a substitute for communicating the things that we care about in love!
That is good insight, that communication over small things can be important. I think one or two little things can make a huge difference in a relationship. However, if a woman is constantly nit picking and nagging over smaller details, I think it can have a tremendous negative influence on the relationship.