Back in the early days of our marriage, my husband and I mainly tried to get along and minimize arguments. Before we arrived at the altar, both of us were seasoned singles, set in our ways, so learning to walk together was a challenge. We set off a few fireworks that first year, even over our simplest decisions.
Thankfully, we’ve mellowed with time and learned to give and take, stay on the same page, and stay in our lane when one does something the other is not so sure about. We’ve learned to cheer each other on and be best friends.
Jose and I have been married over 23 years and lived in 3 countries. We want to continue growing, so we can experience the spiritual unity God intends.
We still need more of God in our relationship.
Our marriage isn’t perfect; it goes through periods of growth and stagnation. But here’s what I’m learning as we seek to invest in our relationship and invite more of God into our marriage:
Pray for your Marriage and Spouse
Unfortunately, I’d be the first to admit I often let prayer for my marriage slide. Yet, I know that if I want God in the middle of my marriage, I need to bring my marriage to Him. When I bring my marriage to God in prayer, He turns my heart toward my husband.
Pray Together
In the early days of our marriage, we didn’t always get around to praying as a couple because as busy parents, we already had a hard enough time carving out personal time with God. But a marriage retreat we attended 10 years ago challenged us to make it a priority, and we have seen so much fruit in our relationship and family.
Some days we still let it slide, but we always come back to it. For us, prayer together as a couple impacts our marriage more positively than anything else.
Let go of the Reins and Give God Control
When I try to control every decision Jose and I make, I’m basically telling the Lord, “Let me handle this, I’ve got it!” But I’m learning to relax when Jose and I don’t quite see eye to eye.
I can trust God to work in us and through us. Even if it means I’m yielding to go along with a decision I’m not 100% sure of. After all, can I really trust myself to always know best?
Practice Gratitude Together
Whether we start off our morning thanking God for His goodness or pause briefly at the end of the day to recall His faithfulness, gratitude cements us together as a couple and encourages our faith during hard times.
Stay Close to God Yourself
Friend, you may be reading this and thinking, “My spouse is not even a believer. Where does this leave me?” The most important thing I believe you can do to invite more of God into your marriage is something you can do whether your spouse believes or not: stay as close to God yourself as you can. It’s the most important thing I can do for my marriage as well: draw near to God through prayer, Scripture reading, and putting His Word to work in my life.
Am I doing it perfectly? No, but I see that as I seek to invite more of God into my own life, some issues in my marriage almost seem to solve themselves. Our relationship improves, and the atmosphere at home grows more peaceful. Those are sweet gifts I wouldn’t trade for anything.
Now it’s your turn: what’s one thing that helps you invite more of God into your marriage or family?
One of the best things you can do for your marriage is to develop your relationship with God. Need help?
Need ideas on how to get more out of your quiet time? I wrote More of God: A Distracted Woman’s Guide to More Meaningful Quiet Times to help overwhelmed and distracted women recover a fresh sense of God’s presence, learn to hear His voice, and grow their prayer lives. Click on the image below for more info:
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I love these ideas, and at the same time I struggle with them. Not because they are not right (they are 100% true) but because it’s hard when you and your husband are different.
Andrew and I are both believers and we go to church together and pray at meals together. But his personality is so different from my own, especially when it comes to spiritual things. I’ve struggled with how to incorporate these ideas without it seeming forced, uncomfortable or cheesy.
I would love any tips you have!
Hi there, Rebecca. I’m not sure how many years you’ve been married. For the first 10 or so years of our marriage, Jose and I also expressed daily spirituality very differently, although he had been a pastor! I think it’s important to be patient and and accepting. (I was so tempted to judge, just because he was different.) What comes to mind is to choose ONE idea and make a suggestion, asking him what he thinks. I’d let him take the lead, and if he says, “No, I don’t want to do that,” then go with that. Ask 6 months later about another idea! Also, just another thought: sometimes things seem “forced or cheesy” at the beginning, but then they grow more natural with time!
Betsy,
The scripture in Romans calls us to be “one voice.” It’s kind of hard to be one voice if we aren’t spending time praying together, showing gratitude together, letting God lead us in disagreements. Unless we have Christ at the center, both together and individually, then it’s going to be hard to project one voice. As always, great truth to remember and practice.
Blessings,
Bev xx
Thanks so much for chiming in, Bev! Yes to seeking to be “one voice!” Blessings on your marriage, friend!
One enduring habit that has enriched our marriage is the practice of reading through the Bible together out loud. We don’t do it perfectly, and we’re always behind, but this is our fourth year of persevering, and it’s a gift in these years of the emptying nest to have such a great routine when all the other routines seem to be harder to maintain with kids coming and going.
What a lovely habit! I almost included that in my post because some older friends of ours read one chapter a day together. Thanks so much for sharing!
Thanks so much for remembering those of us with unbelieving husbands! Often marriage devotions ignore our special circumstances and we can be left feeling ignored and helpless. We can “invite more of God into our marriage” whether our spouse believes or not.
Thanks so much for your comment, Lisa! I have a friend whose husband is a non-believer, so I thought of her specifically, imagining there are so many women in the same circumstance. Blessings on you and your marriage!
Wise words Betsy. As hard as single parenting is, I remember hard days as God was chiseling two into one. Praying for each other was always huge, softening my heart in the process.
Excellent suggestions, Betsy. Tony and I had a hard first two years. I blame it on my selfishness. 🙂 But we’ve adjusted. Praise God. I can see that these tips would be good even for seasoned marriages like ours. Thank you!
I’m glad we’re not the only one who had a hard first year! Actually, I think it’s quite common! Blessings to you, Kristi!
Betsy, such good wisdom here! My husband and I just celebrated 23 years together. As I read through arguments over simple decisions in the early years, a couple of memories sprang up in my mind. Yes, I suspect every marriage endures some of those. About six months after Hubs and I were married we attended a marriage retreat. We were challenged to pray together every night before bed. It was one of the best challenges we’ve ever accepted. Even on those nights when we’ve had a rough day together, we can come before the Lord, and more often than not, he works on our hearts during the course of our prayer and we can reconcile before going to sleep at night.
Wow, Jeanne! That is so great that you went on a marriage retreat six months in your marriage! You’ve been married the same amount of time we have! Wonderful. <3
Thanks for sharing your wisdom. The longer we have been married, we can accept the routine (the marriage) we have created as enough. But no matter where our marriage is spiritually, there is always more and God desires our marriages to flourish abundantly….to be great (not just enough). These truths apply to all of our marriages – thanks!
Yes, Jennifer! I’d rather go for More than settle for “enough!” Last year my husband and I attended a marriage retreat where we were challenged with the idea that little investments add up. Even small things, like holding hands, make a difference!
Betsy, hi! 43 years and we’re still students at learning to love well! I look back at all those years and cherish those times we’ve prayed together. Our souls have been knit as one as we approach the One together, hand in hand …
Wow! 43 years! Congratulations, Linda. What a beautiful accomplishment, friend. Lovely.
Thank you for your marriage wisdom. I know several couples where the spouse is not a believer or was and is not practicing. My friends make a point of praying for their spouse and I have seen how God honors that and works through it.