Today I’m excited to start a new series called Faith in Action Friday. Join me on Fridays for shorter, practical posts about living out our faith in our families and communities. I want to learn more about putting feet to my faith in everyday life, and I invite you to grow along with me!
When my kids were little, they loved for me to tuck them into bed and pray for them at night. Now they’re hulking teenagers, and it’s almost impossible for me to stay up late enough to tuck them in. But you know what? They still like it when I pray for them at bedtime.
I suspect they like it because I pray blessing over them. I list their qualities and talents, thanking God for each one. I pray that they’ll know how much God and their dad and I love them.
Our kids need affirmation, yet how often is our interaction with them based on instruction and correction?
I’m the queen of correction, let me tell you.
- “Could you pick your towel up?”
- “Can you straighten your room?”
- “Did you turn in your assignment?”
I easily fall into a mode of correcting and instructing. Paul might have been talking about me when he said:
“Fathers, do not nag your children. If you are too hard to please, they may want to stop trying.” (Col. 3:21 NCV)
I want to teach my kids so many things. But you know what? The most important thing I really want them to know is the very same thing God wanted Jesus to know. In Mark 1 right after Jesus was baptized, a voice from heaven said,
”
More than anything I want my kids to know I love them.
Our kids need to know we’ll love them no matter what. That we notice and appreciate their efforts. That girl needs to know we think she’s beautiful, funny, and smart. That boy needs to know we think he’s strong, handsome, and capable.
- Even when your toddler girl just peed on the floor at the grocery store.
- Even when your teenaged boy doesn’t make the grade he hoped for.
That’s when they need to know most of all that we love them anyway. Our kids hear so many voices from the world. Let’s be that clear, steady voice that says, “You are my dearly loved Son, and you bring me great joy.”
Now it’s your turn. What’s a practical way to communicate unconditional love to our kids today?
Hi Betsy! With our son starting high school this year, I feel like I am nagging more than ever! I know that instead, I should be letting him spread his wings and try some things on his own:) Thanks for the gentle but needed reminder, friend.
Kristine, if you figure out how to stop nagging, PLEASE let me know. I’m writing this post to myself as much as to anyone else. Sometimes I ask, “When are you planning on doing X” but it comes off as thinly veiled nagging, I think!
Betsy,
What a great encouraging reminder! I too have felt like all I seem to be doing lately is yelling and nagging. I need to compliment and praise more. One thing I have noticed really lights up their souls is public praise! And little love notes tucked in their lunches. I will be more conscious of this need now, thank you!!
Those are great ideas, Brandi! Love the notes idea. That’s something that always sounds good, but then I never implement it. How much time could it take??? 🙂
I agree with you wholeheartedly that the most important part of parenting is making your children feel loved!
I didn’t have that myself, so I made sure my children did. I see a huge difference in how much more confident and capable they are for life than I was.
Thanks for this post, Betsy!
Kids feeling like their parents love them deeply and unconditionally sounds like it’s something they should take for granted, but sometimes it isn’t. It requires effort and energy and being mindful of what we say and how we say it to impart the confidence and self-assurance our kids need.
How wonderful Deborah that you are able to give to your kids a gift you didn’t receive yourself. Part of God’s redeeming grace for sure. Thanks for stopping by here!
With potty training looming in our near future I may have some pee on the floor moments soon! 😉 This is so spot on, Betsy. I’m excited for this new series. This is what I want my kids to know more than anything too, and I pray that they do and will. Lovely post.
Oh and to answer your last question, I can play cars and Legos with them even when I don’t feel like it. 😉
Hi Abby! I used to do that very thing with my son… cars and Legos. You brought back some great memories with your comment! Blessings, friend!
Oh bless your heart, Abby. Glad God gives you grace for the cars and legos! 🙂 And I pray right now that He’ll give grace for the pee on the floor moments too! Thanks for your comment. It brings back memories for me, just like for Julie!
Beautiful post, Betsy! I seem to relate so well to you since our kids are close in age! I hug my son (he still allows me to do that) to let him know I love him. I cherish those special moments with him. God bless you, friend!
Yes, I feel that connection with you for the same reason when I read about your family and your son! Have a great week!
Great post Betsy!
Jose
I learned it all from you, Amorcito!
Have you read any of Dr. Kevin Lehman’s books? My two favorites are “Adolescence isn’t Terminal (it just feels like it)” and “Have a New Kid by Friday”–we’re watching the training video of that one at our school so that we can all be ‘parenting’ on the same page (it’s a Christian boarding school with 1st-12th graders living here). Excellent resources for not nagging and helping kids learn responsibility and natural consequences.